I had the oddest flashback experience Saturday night. No, it wasn’t drug-induced; I imbibed enough alcohol in my unregenerate years to never have the need for other mind-altering substances.
I heard a snippet of a Phil Collins song on a television commercial, which took me on a Phil Collins quest. I knew we had his compilation album, Hits, somewhere, so I hunted it down before I went to retrieve the Arrows from their Saturday night service, and played it in the Kimchi-van for the trip.
As a reminder, Phil was big in the Eighties. I mean, he was Da Man, at least in the small circles in which I circulated. And the Eighties were my coming-of-age; I started the decade as a teeneager, and finished it in Central America.
I’m an auditory creature – it’s my learning style, and it’s my most prevalent memory trigger. That can be a boon and it can also be a poltergeist, if you will. By poltergeist, I mean a haunting presence with a malevolent ability to impact my surroundings.
Through the melodic time-machine of "In the Air Tonight" and "Take Me Home", I went back in time to my adolescence. I should have just left the commercial alone, but I’ll deal with that in a bit.
I had specific scenes and locales come into fresh recall, just as if they were events from last month! It was frightening on one hand, yet comforting and alluring on the other. I began to wonder why I had ever chosen to leave that lifestyle behind.
Why fight to live a life pleasing to Christ? Why struggle with the unseen? Why deny the pleasures of sin for a season?
Aha – there’s the catch; it’s that last part of Hebrews 11:25 that we always seem to overlook, and it’s always that part that eventually, tragically, comes to fulfillment.
There are times that I’m actually glad that I was saved from the life from which I was called. For one, it makes me a better parent (because there’s virtually nothing in which the Arrows can indulge that Dee and I haven’t experienced). For another, I can better minister to those still struggling with battles that Christ has allowed me to overcome. That’s all part of the "God meant it for good (Gen. 50:20)" testimony of my personal old man.
At the same time, had I kept the holy life for which He created me in the first place, I wouldn’t continually be forced to revisit previously vanquished battlefields. In that, I battle the only real incident of envy in my new life experience; I admire those (like some of my former classmates) at whom I used to sneer for their "sheltered lives".
Sin always has its price. Did that come through? Sin always has its price.
Oh, can I identify with Paul in Romans chapter seven!
15 For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.
18 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.
19 For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.
O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?
Yes, I could easily surrender to the siren song of a life of carnality. But, beloved, at what price? To live, as Thoreau worded it, a life of quiet desperation? To face each day forcing back the subconscious wonder of where my life is heading, vainly hoping that I will have some minor impact? To have to face each night drinking myself to sleep because I know the answer to that question?
No, He works all things together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Rom. 8:28). There is now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, the ones who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. I can embrace the fact that the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus makes me free from the law of sin and death. God sent His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh. Why? So the righteousness of the law could be fulfilled in me, if I walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit (Rom. 8:1-4).
Saints, if you face struggles similar to those I described, there is hope. I can recognize the encounter as a warning flag. I can either drive on into the danger, or I can detour.
I’m taking the detour. It leads to higher ground, anyway.
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.
I heard a snippet of a Phil Collins song on a television commercial, which took me on a Phil Collins quest. I knew we had his compilation album, Hits, somewhere, so I hunted it down before I went to retrieve the Arrows from their Saturday night service, and played it in the Kimchi-van for the trip.
As a reminder, Phil was big in the Eighties. I mean, he was Da Man, at least in the small circles in which I circulated. And the Eighties were my coming-of-age; I started the decade as a teeneager, and finished it in Central America.
I’m an auditory creature – it’s my learning style, and it’s my most prevalent memory trigger. That can be a boon and it can also be a poltergeist, if you will. By poltergeist, I mean a haunting presence with a malevolent ability to impact my surroundings.
Through the melodic time-machine of "In the Air Tonight" and "Take Me Home", I went back in time to my adolescence. I should have just left the commercial alone, but I’ll deal with that in a bit.
I had specific scenes and locales come into fresh recall, just as if they were events from last month! It was frightening on one hand, yet comforting and alluring on the other. I began to wonder why I had ever chosen to leave that lifestyle behind.
Why fight to live a life pleasing to Christ? Why struggle with the unseen? Why deny the pleasures of sin for a season?
Aha – there’s the catch; it’s that last part of Hebrews 11:25 that we always seem to overlook, and it’s always that part that eventually, tragically, comes to fulfillment.
There are times that I’m actually glad that I was saved from the life from which I was called. For one, it makes me a better parent (because there’s virtually nothing in which the Arrows can indulge that Dee and I haven’t experienced). For another, I can better minister to those still struggling with battles that Christ has allowed me to overcome. That’s all part of the "God meant it for good (Gen. 50:20)" testimony of my personal old man.
At the same time, had I kept the holy life for which He created me in the first place, I wouldn’t continually be forced to revisit previously vanquished battlefields. In that, I battle the only real incident of envy in my new life experience; I admire those (like some of my former classmates) at whom I used to sneer for their "sheltered lives".
Sin always has its price. Did that come through? Sin always has its price.
Oh, can I identify with Paul in Romans chapter seven!
15 For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.
18 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.
19 For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.
O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?
Yes, I could easily surrender to the siren song of a life of carnality. But, beloved, at what price? To live, as Thoreau worded it, a life of quiet desperation? To face each day forcing back the subconscious wonder of where my life is heading, vainly hoping that I will have some minor impact? To have to face each night drinking myself to sleep because I know the answer to that question?
No, He works all things together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Rom. 8:28). There is now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, the ones who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. I can embrace the fact that the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus makes me free from the law of sin and death. God sent His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh. Why? So the righteousness of the law could be fulfilled in me, if I walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit (Rom. 8:1-4).
Saints, if you face struggles similar to those I described, there is hope. I can recognize the encounter as a warning flag. I can either drive on into the danger, or I can detour.
I’m taking the detour. It leads to higher ground, anyway.
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.
posted by Lee Monical | 10:10 PM
2 Comments:
I too have had that happen to me and have had the same thoughts, but one look at my children or at others who are living my old lifestyle and I quickly thank God for taking me away from it and into a life of trying to live for him. Its nice to know I am not the only one with thoughts like these.
Thank you for your candor and comfort!
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